What do You do with a Drunken Sailor?
Or 'What They Sing on the USS Sadist'

First Verse:

What do you do with a drunken sailor?
What do you do with a drunken sailor?
What do you do with a drunken sailor?
Early in the morning.

Chorus:

Way, hey, and up she rises;
Way, hey, and up she rises;
Way, hey, and up she rises;
Early in the morning.

Various Verses:
(Pick the ones to suit your mood. Sing them three times in a row and add 'Early in the morning' to the end.)

Throw him the longboat 'till he's sober
Keep him there and make 'em bail her
Put him in a leaky boat and make him bail it
Pull out the plug and wet him all over
Heave him by the leg in a running bowline
Hang him from the yardarm 'till he's sober
Tie him to the dolphin striker
Keel haul him until he's sober
Throw him in the scuppers with a hose pipe on him
Put him in the bilge and make him drink it
Soak 'em in oil till he sprouts a flipper
Put him in the guard room until he gets sober
Make him clean out all the spit-kids
Put him at the wheel of the Exxon Valdez (Thanks to Mary Greaney for this one.)

And they keep getting worse...

Shave his belly with a rusty razor
Take him, shake him, try to wake him
Give him lashings with a rope end
Give him a taste of the bosun's rope-end
Bathe his wounds in salty water
Stick on his back a mustard plaster
Send him up a crow's nest until he falls down
Tie him to the taffrail when she's yardarm under
Tie him in the sheets with an oily marline
Run him through the guts with a shipmate's cutlass
Open his veins with a rusted gully
Toss him in the wake on his empty hogshead
Hang 'em in chains from the highest yard-arm
Throw him in the hole with bread and water

And it seems that the Captain's daughter was not the catch of the day...

Throw him in bed with the Captain's daughter
Have you seen the Captain's daughter?
She eats garlic by the pound
She has all sorts of vermin
That should sober him up right quickly!

And here's the boat you really want to stay away from...

Hang him by the balls in a running bowline
Shave his crotch with a rusty razor
Shove a hose pipe up his asshole
Tie his prick in a double half-hitch

The Final Chorus:

That's what you do with a drunken sailor;
That's what you do with a drunken sailor;
That's what you do with a drunken sailor;
Early in the morning.

And the moral to the story is to never drink while on board ship, even if you are at the Captain's table... because you may end up with the Captain's daughter, or worse.